One for the ages

Too young, too old, everyone’s got an opinion over age differences between couples.  It’s like anything else, unless you fall into the average parameters, with small tolerances either way, there will forever be those who will whisper ‘taboo’.  Sure, there are good reasons for couples to be of similar age when they discover each other.  Simply put, people usually hang around others their own age.  Thus, the likelihood of finding a mate of similar age is high.  

Nature plays a big role in the equation.  In order to procreate we will ‘seek out’ someone who is at their peak, especially physically.  It’s much more complicated than what I can describe, but much of this is subconscious and hormonal.  Yet, then there are those who do it differently.  Whether it’s by chance or design, many people connect even though they might be ‘ages’ apart, (sorry, I couldn’t help myself) and form a relationship.   What are the rules when judging couples with a so-called age-gap relationship?  What would a large age difference be?  I’m guessing that it depends very much on who’s doing the judging.  Off-hand, I can name seven couples, close friends of mine, where there exists sizeable difference in age between the two.  I can’t speak to their happiness together, or whether they have issues or not, but to me, they all seem to be fine.  But this isn’t about how age-gappers are getting along, it’s how other people see them, and those who judge from a distance are doomed to be wrong.  Happiness is not directly proportional to the age-gap.  There’s a difference of eight years between my wife and me.  

The difference never mattered to us, but there were rumblings from others.  She was 22 to my 30.  I can understand, even then I did, that in the realm of the norm, we weren’t even in the fringes.  We’ve been together for almost 32 years.  Never once, throughout our entire relationship, did our difference in age ever come into play.  I think it helps that my wife is much more mature than I am.  The challenges I see in age-gap couples are usually a lack in communication, which is easily one of the main concerns of any rocky relationship.  If I had to speculate, I believe that a quasi-generational gap could open the door to diverging points of view, not a deal-breaker, but like any other relationship, it’s nothing a little understanding and an open mind can’t usually smooth over.  A relationship between a 25 and a 50-year-old probably requires some extra compromise from both parties, but it’s a decision they make prior.  It’s unusual for both, but they already know that going in.  But compromise is also good for many other situations, for every relationship.  It’s like that spice that goes good with a variety of dishes.  It just brings it to the next level.

Basically, age-gap relationships are like any other, with a few basic changes to their genetic make-up.  Not taboo.

Fiquem bem,

Raul Freitas/MS