Vincent Black

All my children… love them or hate them!



The title of this article is taken from a very famous soap opera television program that has been airing for many years with a very large following. This program and all its content is based on family problems and their children. I thought this title was very appropriate for this piece based on what is reality today and what can be interpreted as fiction. Love them or hate them, children can bring you an immense amount of joy or tremendous pain and suffering over your lifetime. Breeding children and raising them is becoming more and more difficult for many younger couples. The strain of raising a family today is complex especially if you live in a smaller setting and not getting the family support that one would need.

The question that many should be asking themselves is when a family should be started and how many children they should have. In my time these questions were very rarely asked and having children was just a given. If you did not have a family, many would question why. It was second nature to have children with families having closer bonds and the support system was usually there by both parents. Families had more closeness with each other, and the times were less complicated without stigmas or barriers.

Planning a family today is very complicated with pressures especially on the economic side of things. You need to have a decent financial base to be able to have one child, let alone having more than one child. Not trying to be negative on this topic but trying to state the facts based on my personal experience and not any significant data. I have friends that delayed having children because of economics about being able to support a normal lifestyle that would be beneficial to all. As well, I have friends that have had children very early in their marriage and l can sense quite a bit of tension because of the financial burden of having to get day care. Day care is so expensive this day is that it is cheaper to stay home. Stay at home moms and dads was the norm in my generation and it looks like those days are back.

Single parenting is another area that appears to be growing in popularity with no stigma or questions asked by society or the family. Parenting by yourself is very common this day is where twenty or thirty years ago was unheard of and in some circles frowned on. The aging process with Mother Nature catching up to all of us causes women to go it alone through artificial insemination and raise child on their own.

Artificial insemination is very popular and used by many to get pregnant and do not want a partner. This way of conception is also very popular with couples who cannot conceive on their own. The business of artificial insemination is not for everyone due to the expense associated with the process and not a sure thing all the time because you need to repeat the process if it does not catch the first time.

Adoption is an option for many as well, but mainly left, to those that can afford it. It is very costly and sometimes you need to travel to another country to adopt a child. This process is probably one of the oldest forms of bringing children into your family.

I need to talk about parenting today and what one needs to think about before you make the decision of bringing a newborn into this world. Many couples have children and do not pay much attention to them growing up. Having a solid foundation for kids to grow up in is so very important and needs both parties to continually work at it and create a sense of security but more importantly a path to follow. When a child goes sideways, you have to be there to pick that child up and put them back on the proper path to life. Many absentee parents do not care what happens with their children… there is a reason why the expression “the apple does not fall to far from the tree” and it is so true.

Parents have a major influence on a child’s achievement, more importantly in the field of education. Experts say the absence of a parent in a child’s academic guidance makes them insecure, which affects their well-being in general. Sadly, the work needs to sustain a family and children’s upbringing is aggravated due to work-related commitments. Whether a parents’ absence is short or long-lived, the fact remains that it negatively affects their child’s education.

I would be remise if l do not acknowledge Trans children, whether gay, lesbian or transgender. These are all issues that are out there in communities across the world today. These circumstances are also part of the fabric of raising a child and the impact it has on how our children are affected by these situations. The confusion is out there and once your children are in these environments, they need to assimilate, and the ongoing social pressures are immense. Dealing with these issues is something that is real and needs to be addressed by folks who are thinking of having children.

It is not all doom and gloom, because children on the positive side are our future scientists, business leaders and so on… keeping them safe and healthy is a big deal. Children can change your life.

For the good or Bad….

Vince Nigro/MS

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